I am absolutely terrified. Terrified of rejection. As most of you know I'm on this whole reunion roller coaster, and I'm terrified that they won't like me. I'm terrified they won't want to be in contact with me.
Why am I so terrified? I have a great family. I have a wonderful sister and mother and father. Why do I need to be accepted by these people that I don't know?
I think the thing I'm most terrified of is not being able to be around my siblings. When I found out I was adopted I wanted to meet my brothers and sisters. That was my main thing. It always has been and it always will be, but now that I've found some of them, I'm so worried that they won't want me in their lives. I still have 5 more that I need to either find or talk to, and I'm so scared that when I do they will reject me. I found out I have 9 biological siblings. NINE, that is just insane, and I know most of the don't know about me. I know for a fact that all but three didn't know about me. The only three who did were my biological sisters from my biological mother. I'm not even sure they knew about me until I made contact. It sucks being hidden. It sucks that people don't remember me or didn't know I existed. It sucks having to be the one to break the news to them that they have more siblings or that they have another one to add to the list.
I found my biological brother, and I'm scared to death to contact him anymore. I don't want to interrupt his life, and I don't want to interrupt anymore of their lives. The problem is there's something inside me that says you have to do this. You have to find them. Then as soon as I do I'm terrified of what they outcome may be. I'm scared that after the initial contact they'll shy away from me.
I don't know what to do anymore. I was so excited, but now I'm in shock. I don't know how to process all of this, and it is starting to stress me out.
How do I not intrude? How can I integrate myself into this new life? How can I get over the fear of being rejected by my siblings?
