Well, the first full day of the reunion has gone pretty good. I feel completely comfortable around MA (grandma), H (grandpa), Uncle S, Sandra, and the girls. I feel totally at home and at ease with them, but now Aunt Sh is here. With all of the stupid comments she made the other night, I am still hurt and pissed off at her. She made me question my relationship with my brother JA.
I am so nervous about all of the people showing up, and I all I want is a comforting hug from my big brother. The problem with that is, I know in Aunt Sh's fucked up thoughts, she will make it to be more than a hug. Why don't people want me to be close to my siblings? Oh wait, could it just be they don't want me to have a close relationship to JA because he is a boy, and I am a girl? He is my brother. Would they have an issue if I hugged or had L, C, or M lay on my lap? No, they wouldn't.
It is already effecting the relationship I have with JA. I was in the room writing in my journal, and I know JA is getting nervous about the large group of people that are going to be showing up, so I asked him if he wanted to chill in the room with me, and he said no and something to the effect of what would people think? It is starting to really anger me.
Maybe it is time for me to take a nap and collect my thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment