The background.

The wondering, the waiting, the praying, the pondering, and most of all the curiosity.

You never really know what it's like to be adopted unless you are adopted. For most of us, it feels like there's this piece of us that is missing. Something isn't right. Something is off. I've always tried to figure out what it is. Let's go into a little bit of background shall we?

I was put up for adoption by my birth mother and birth father. They were married at the time. They had one son. I don't know why they gave me up. I want to know of course. This wasn't your run of the mill adoption either. Someone they knew knew my adoptive parents. It was set up through an attorney. My mom (adoptive mother) was told she could never get pregnant. With thirty quickly approaching my mom and dad decided to adopt. They found out they were getting me. Then, she went to the doctor. Sick with the flu. Nope, not really, she was pregnant with my sister. My sister and I are 7 months apart. Wow, you would think I would have figured out a little more quickly then I did eh? hehe.

Let's take a stroll when I was around 12 years old. My cousin May found out that who she thought was her cousin was actually her sister. Right around that time my mom decided that it was time to tell me. I was adopted. Talk about a ton of bricks being dropped right down on you. That one statement alone, makes you wonder just who the hell you are. It doesn't hit you all at once either.

Let's go a couple years later. I decided I wanted to search for my birth family. I didn't tell my family right off. I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't really know how to search, so I didn't really get anything accomplished. I don't even remember how old I was when I first attempted a real internet search. I'm guessing around 17 or 18. I remember searching for their names, but I didn't even have the right name for my birth father. I thought I did, but the middle initial was wrong. We're going to call him J for now. I remember calling this one poor old man at least 5 times just to make sure. He always took it in stride. He didn't get angry with me, and he would calm me down when I became upset that it wasn't him. I searched off and on for years. Mainly, around the time of my birthday. I would always hope I would find them around my birthday. As luck would have it, it wasn't the right time.