Let's all hop aboard the emotional express, because at the moment, I feel as if I'm the only one on it. That's the way I feel at least. I hit my first loop in the track yesterday night. I'll tell you the story, but first I have to start off by saying that Friday night I got engaged! I think that's a little part of the ride at the moment.
Saturday night I wanted to go out to the bar to do some karaoke for my birthday that was on Friday. When we got there I found out that it was actually a surprise party! Most of my friends had told me that they couldn't come out with me. I was a little bit bummed showing up to the bar because I didn't think many would get to come. My fiancé and I were supposed to go out to dinner. I wanted Sonic. He said, well why don't we go down to the bar and eat. I kinda got annoyed because I wasn't sure if they were serving food down there. We went down there, and I saw balloons. I figured nothing of it because I know that my mom always does balloons even if there isn't a party for our birthdays. My fiancé and I sat down. All of a sudden our friend Alex shows up. I was surprised to see him down there. We were just sitting there not doing much of anything. The big surprise was when Jenny and Travis came in. Jenny had told me that she couldn't come to my birthday because they were busy planning for a family reunion. I was so surprised.
Later on we found out, that karaoke didn't start until 10:30 because they were doing trivia instead. I thought trivia would be great and be a lot of fun. It was. That was until the loud music started. I don't go to bars that have the music so loud you can't hear anyone talking. I hate that. If I wanted that, I would go to a concert. Hell, even at a concert you can hear the person next to you talking. I became extremely annoyed by that. It didn't help that I was only on two hours of sleep and had worked that morning. I thought that the music would quiet down once they started doing karaoke. I was wrong.
It didn't help much that in between this time people kept asking me questions I didn't know the answer to. When are you getting married? Where is it going to be? Stuff like that. I mean come on people. I was just asked yesterday! We don't have the entire thing planned already. Then came the questions about S, I don't know a ton about her yet. We haven't even met yet. The music, in my mind, kept getting louder and louder. I couldn't think. Everyone was asking me what was wrong, if I was okay, or any other number of questions. I kept getting more and more annoyed. I could barely hear myself think. Finally, I just broke down.
When I broke down crying, I felt even worse because all of my friends had come out there to surprise me, and I was getting annoyed, angry, and then crying. That just made me cry worse. Finally I told mom that I was just stressed out, and that everything was hitting me all at once. I've basically acquired a whole family. I now have 10 siblings. My adoptive sister, my biological brothers and sisters, and my step-brother and sisters. I have aunts and uncles, and a whole new family that I hope will be part of my life. That's 25 years of catching up and getting to know them. I haven't been in their lives for 25 years. It's extremely overwhelming. Then, to top it off, I have a wedding to plan. My fiancé doesn't want to wait a long time, so we are planning for a spring of 2009 wedding. That is stressful all alone, then add on top of it all the other things going on. In the past five days, I have had 2 extreme life changing events happen. I mean, come on guys, these are MAJOR life changing events.
I guess it's hard for anyone who isn't part of the adoption triangle to understand. It's so surreal. One minute you're searching for this person. The next thing you know you're on the phone with them or meeting them. Every time I talk to S on the phone I keep wondering when I'm going to wake up. I know it's real, but it doesn't FEEL real yet. I'm hoping that it does soon!
♥♥♥♥
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